#BostonMarathon – feeling the tragedy

Watching the footage of the Boston Marathon blasts sent a shiver down my spine.

The horror of such atrocities were there for all to see and left the world mourning more loss of innocent life.

Like millions of others around the globe I was stunned by what happened, and was somewhat morbidly gripped to replay after replay on Sky News.

However, the fact I had such feelings of sadness and a heightened awareness of my emotions came as something of a surprise to me.

Up until seven years ago, and for the best part of a decade and a half before that, I was so gripped by my gambling addiction that I didn’t feel a thing for anything other than placing bets – 24/7.

Not only were family members, girlfriends and pals almost rendered meaningless and surplus to requirements in my mind, but also disasters anywhere on the planet – and there’ve been a few – didn’t even register with me. It was as if the real world didn’t exist anymore.

I was so swallowed up by gambling that I lost touch of reality as well as, on some days, losing my mind. My short ebook, A Gambler’s Tale – Back From The Brink, is an overview of just a handful of my thoughts and experiences during the life-threatening rollercoaster and all-consuming mental illness that is compulsive gambling.

Even though so some days are mightily tough still, my life is so much better now than it was back then and my last bet was on 5 February 2006. I want to keep it that way, but can only do so one day at a time.

I do not take any satisfaction at all from seeing the pain, anger and distress the Boston Marathon incident has caused many people.

But I am glad that recovery has given me the strength to ‘put pen to paper’ and write this blog and to let the good people of Boston know that I, like lots of others everywhere, have them all firmly in my thoughts.

Yours in recovery.

Sean

@GamblersTale
http://www.facebook.com/GamblersTale
http://www.tinyurl.com/mygamblingtale

Emotions – learning to have them again

I decided that this weekend I would write about emotions – and how mine have been ‘turned off’ for so long because of my addiction.

I made that choice because of the way I feel at present and because it seemed even more topical to do so given some of the inspirational shares I heard in a therapy meeting this week.

And then I engaged with the remarkable @janecares on Twitter and I realised that she, as an awesome member of the fellowship, has done my job for me.

Her most recent blog – read it here – hits the nail right on the head.

So I am able to keep this briefer than ever before and log out safe in the knowledge that the words of @janecares will no doubt resonate with, and help, many of you across the globe.

Yours in recovery.

Sean

• My short ebook – A Gambler’s Tale: Back From The Brink – is available now.

The London reminder

Being in London for a welcome weekend break has been a real eye-opener.

I’ve been to the capital city before – watched top sporting events, eaten in nice restaurants and seen glitzy West End shows.

Well I have since I stopped gambling.

Prior to that I wouldn’t have had the time, inclination or money. Quite simply nothing got in the way of me having a bet – and that meant collapsing relationships, under-performing at work and generally not functioning as a ‘normal’ human being as my compulsive illness consumed me.

This weekend I have stayed away from shows and restaurants, instead opting to walk around the vast metropolis and take in ‘London life’.

What I’ve seen has both enlightened and, at times, educated me. It has certainly put perspective on my life.

When the lights go down and the revellers trudge onto the Tube and head home to the conurbations, London is still a hive of activity.

But of a different kind.

When the shops and bars shut, their doorways become the bedrooms of the homeless. Little shelter against the wind and rain, but shelter all the same.

It is the side of London the wealthy financiers and ‘Chelsea wives’ are maybe aware of, but turn their backs on.

I see these people on the margins of society as exactly the same as you and I.

Life is all about fine lines.

Had I carried on gambling, and not been fortunate enough to find a brilliant therapy group to drag me upwards one day at a time, I would have ended up homeless.

Or I may have ended up in a prison or mortuary.

The next time you walk past someone sleeping rough do not simply assume they are a ‘waster’ or ‘dosser’.

You don’t know a thing about their back story – whether they have had a terrible upbringing we couldn’t possibly imagine, been wracked with addiction or maybe even mental health issues.

I’d like to see a more understanding society – one that doesn’t judge, alienate or pass sentence until it knows the facts.

I love London and everything about it.

It epitomises a multi-faceted world, full of stories and situations and highlights how we are all always treading fine lines.

Sean

A Gambler’s Tale: ‘Back From The Brink’ is my short, stark ebook that is available now.

My gambling tale – keeping it brief

As a recovering compulsive gambler I am liable to mood swings.

I’m hopefully not as unpredictable to be around as I was when I was still placing bets, but I still demonstrate very up-and-down character traits.

One thing that I have particularly noticed in recent times is how badly I take disappointment. The slightest let-down sets me back three steps – usually at a time when I feel I have taken a step forward.

Recovery is hugely frustrating.

But it is also massively rewarding. And a blessing.

When I sat down to write my story as an ebook I pondered something that was ‘warts and all’.

But then I decided that every addict – whatever their compulsion – has heard it all before. They have undoubtedly had the same feelings, caused the same havoc in relationships, experienced the same/or similar things and driven themselves to the edge of despair on many an occasion.

It is for that reason that A Gambler’s Tale – ‘Back From The Brink’ is extremely succinct.

It is designed to connect. To allow the addict to engage, to nod their head and to say ‘I have felt like that’.

And then the hope is that they can feel inspired in their own journey of recovery.

Whoever you are, whatever your story, I wish you all the very best.

Sean

Addiction in the spotlight – but is there something missing?

I take my hat off to BBC Radio Five Live – @BBCRadioFive – and in particular Victoria Derbyshire – @vicderbyshire – for the best piece of radio journalism of the year so far.

Her wonderful, insightful and engaging interview with recovering alcoholic ‘Rachel’ was, quite simply, stunning and captivating broadcasting.

There can be no questioning that bringing the subject of addiction firmly to the table and addressing it in such a responsible and balanced manner can only be of help to recovering addicts everywhere. Here is a link to it – it is certainly worth a listen.

If you do check it out there is every chance you will be quite rightly moved.

You will also hear how, in parts, the conversation moves to that other addiction – drugs.

The comparison between alcoholism and narcotics dependency is one that is always made. Both are extremely gripping, terrifying and potentially life-destroying compulsive diseases. And there can be no doubting the similarities in woes, feelings and experiences addicts suffering from either illness would go through.

But as great as the report is, when I listen to it I am always left feeling there is a missing piece of the jigsaw. A failure to recognise another all-consuming compulsive illness that in my opinion – and without wanting to sound like I’m exaggerating – is fast becoming the world’s biggest unmentioned, loosely regulated and ‘pushed under the carpet’ problem.

Gambling addiction.

As my short ebook A Gambler’s Tale: ‘Back From The Brink’ overviews, compulsive gambling has ripped at the fabric of my life – and my mind and soul - and although I haven’t placed a bet in over seven years has left damaging character traits, relationship breakdowns, debts, depression and a failure to function ‘normally’ in many ways that will take many years to overcome (if indeed they ever are).

My experiences in Gamblers Anonymous therapy groups are profound ones, on a weekly basis. GA is my medicine and helps hold my life together, one day at a time.

But with ever increasing advertising of gambling as ‘fun’ and a great ‘social thing to do’ – often before the watershed (which of course alcohol companies are banned from doing) and the journey of the powerful likes of Zynga and Facebook into more and more gambling-related games and projects - I worry for every single recovering gambler like myself and even more so for future generations.

Combine that with the ‘crack cocaine’ of gambling – the Fixed Odds Betting Terminals now positioned throughout every bookmaker across the globe – and there is no doubt there is a new culture and attitude towards gambling that wasn’t present just 10 or 15 years ago or so, when once the bookmakers shut and you’d placed your wager on the 3.45 at Newmarket, there was very little else (apart from the odd casino in every town and city) to feed a gambling mind. Now it is everywhere.

As I have said before, I genuinely have nothing at all against any gambling organisation or outlet. It is a legal activity that the majority of people enjoy and have full control over.

But what I can’t abide – and I believe others should join me in taking a stand against, including media outlets who rarely feature the issue and instead only focus on drink and drugs – is how very few politicians, journalists, medical professionals, social workers and educationalists care about getting their heads around something that is more than likely happening very close to them as we speak. Gambling is so prevalent I would hazard a guess that virtually every person in a position of power has a friend or family member who is gripped by the addiction.

That influential person may or may not know it yet – after all, as addicts we are great at lies, deceit and hiding things – but it will be there lurking just below the surface.

A new approach is needed – a new transparency. Government money – perhaps some of the hundreds of millions in taxes it receives directly from the gambling industry – should be re-invested in the debate. In education. In healthcare.

There is just one NHS clinic for recovering addicts in the whole of the UK.

There are six bookmakers on one high street in the town where I live.

I think that says it all.

Let’s begin the wider debate and my challenge to @vicderbyshire after such a great piece of journalism is for her to lead the way.

Yours in recovery.

Sean

A Gambler’s Tale: ‘Back From The Brink’ is now available at a reduced price from Amazon for Kindle and for the Kindle app on your phone.

 

 

 

 

No more horsing around

So, there’s horse meat DNA in some of the food in the UK.

This clearly is a major health risk and needs dealing with straight away. Or is it?

Of course I say that with my tongue firmly in my cheek.

If there is DNA from an unnamed animal in food that you bought then you of course have the right to know. And of course it shouldn’t be happening.

But is a bit of horse in your lasagne or burger actually going to kill you or make you ill? The answer is – with such small traces having been found – a definitive ‘no’.

However, tens of millions of pounds of tax payers’ money will be spent in getting to the source of all of this.

And I repeat, with that I have no problem.

Where my issues lie with both the UK government and those overseas too – in particular the USA and Australia – are with the other major health concerns which are repeatedly swept under the carpet.

As a recovering gambling addict I clearly have a personal interest in there being tighter restrictions over an industry that is pretty much everywhere right now. God help the youngsters of today, who will grow up with a basic understanding and feeling that gambling is not a choice, it is just ‘what you do’.

But it is not for self gain that I would like to see a more responsible approach from all of the powers that be when it comes to harnessing an industry that is growing, uncontrollably due to loose regulations, by the day.

I have spoken to doctors, counsellors, social workers and eminent educationalists who all agree the bubble could soon burst and that Britain and other countries could be at the centre of a gambling epidemic.

No-one wants to see the opportunity to have a bet – after all, it is a legal activity partaken in by many without any issues – removed or banned. That would be irresponsible in itself. This is not a battle against the gambling industry.

But it is about a common sense of decency and a code of joined-up care, and tighter controls (particularly over pre-watershed advertising, online gambling and Fixed Odds Betting Terminals), the introduction of education for youngsters, a more responsible approach by money lenders (particularly when it comes to ‘payday loans) and more consideration given to the effects of problem gambling by those working in the healthcare profession are absolutely essential.

And this change in attitude/working practices needs to start right now.

For the sake of your children, and their children in the future, let’s all start taking a responsible, focused, strategic look at this.

Forget the horse meat scandal – there’s another major health scare lurking below the surface that needs addressing.

Best wishes.
Sean.

p.s. My short ebook, A Gambler’s Tale: Back From The Brink, is still available.

The #Francis Report

The NHS response to the Francis Report will be interesting to watch unfold.

There can be no doubting that the 290 recommendations will have an impact on every NHS Trust across England.

Reading the headlines to come out of the report it’s clear that patient care, transparency in the way the NHS goes about its business, accountability and improved leadership are the key recommendations that should be put/kept high on the agenda.

I perused the outcomes of Francis’ findings with interest because of course, like anyone else, I would welcome the NHS moving forward in a positive direction. What happened at Stafford Hospital is clearly unacceptable.

But the report got me wondering about healthcare from a different angle too.

If the NHS’s 1.1 million staff (they are the third biggest employer in the world) do put a massive reactive focus on the Francis Report recommendations – and they will – then what happens to other aspects of care that are currently barely even on the radar.

And in amongst them I include addiction.

There is a serious misunderstanding when it comes to compulsive illnesses. They simply do not register on most healthcare professionals’ worksheets as mattering too much.

Personally I can only refer to compulsive gambling as I have an addiction to placing bets, although I am in recovery and this week celebrated seven years without putting on a wager of any kind.

My GP – and several therapists I have been to see too – do not recognise/respect compulsive gambling as a ‘credible’ addiction. I have even had the comment from healthcare professionals that ‘well it’s not like being dependent on alcohol or drugs is it?’.

Well the breaking news is that it’s exactly like that.

The other fact is that the number of admissions to hospitals – overdoses, breakdowns, suicide attempts, self-harming – because of addiction related illnesses and injuries is on the rise.

I have been an advocate of the healthcare system taking more interest in/responsibility towards/doing more research into addiction for a long time.

There can be no doubting the many brilliant consultants, doctors and nurses working unbelievably hard on wards across the UK are under often intolerable pressure and the majority do the very best they can, most of the time.

But there is constant overcrowding and pressure to free beds. There are reasons why what the #Francis report highlights happened in Stafford. As well as poor leadership, bad communication and a desire to put hitting targets above patient care, there was quite simply more patients in that hospital than they had the resources to cope with.

And the same, in terms of high numbers putting excessive strain on services, is probably true everywhere to some extent

I genuinely believe that if healthcare – not just hospitals – took addictive illnesses more seriously and responsibly from the very off that hospital admission rates would drop.

It may only be by a few patients each week or month, but that freeing up of hospital beds could ease pressures and in turn save the life of someone else in the hospital.

It would also signal the start of the increased respect addiction should have in the mindsets and working practices of all healthcare professionals.

Best wishes.
Sean.

My short ebook – A Gambler’s Tale: ‘Back From The Brink’ – is still available for Kindles and the Kindle app (a free download on most devices).

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